By Bettinna Carlos

Have you ever experienced saying an absolute “no” to something but suddenly be open about it? I had this attitude towards homeschooling.

I have quite a number of homeschooling teacher moms. Some were homeschooled when they were young so they continue the practice onto their kids while some explored and veered away from traditional schooling to find a better means to teach their children who apparently have difficulty learning sitting in a classroom the whole time. Finally, there are some who are in pursuit of more time to be with their kids and focus on intentional disciplining.

I never gave homeschooling much thought and consideration because just tutoring Math for quizzes and long tests, truthfully, turns me into a monster. My frustration in being unable to communicate numbers well to my child seems to shorten my patience that I quickly become irritable and angry hence, the resolve.

However, a few months ago, God strongly impressed homeschooling upon my heart in one Sunday service. It was so strong I was brought to tears.

Right then, I asked my discipler and closest homeschool mommy-friend, JLT to pray for and with me. But when I asked Gummy, aka testing the waters, her immediate answer was no because she won’t see her friends anymore.

My careless tongue reacted and answered, “Well, you don’t go to school for your friends.”

Nevertheless, I took it from her as maybe it’s not yet time. From that point on, I shoved the thought aside not knowing it would resurface randomly months later.

This random time came to me when I noticed how Gummy becomes more talkative at night—the more I remind her that it’s time to sleep because she needs to wake up early for school the next day, the more she talks. I felt bothered and guilty that I kept cutting her because she needs to sleep.

I am called to be a parent; therefore, my child is my priority

This feeling made me ask myself, “What is more important, sleep to ensure she is healthy or time to talk to secure her in love?” I couldn’t reconcile the two. But after some introspection and prayer, I pinned down my problem: time.

I feel that there is too little time to talk and consequently build a relationship because we need to allot time for traffic in the morning.

Imagine, we live across her school—a major consideration when I chose a permanent residence—and we are only a U-turn away yet the unpredictable flow of traffic at times takes us 40 minutes just to cross.

The only way to avoid it is to leave much earlier, which means a compromise between a peaceful breakfast and morning devotions.

I know I could still enjoy traffic—and I do because it gives us time to talk a bit in the morning, pray and review—but the inevitable morning rush, from waking to leaving, and the rush to dinner and sleep at night, undeniably cause a strain and stress.

As a working mom for 80-percent of the life of my now-seven-year-old child, I had an unusual feeling that my being sentimental about her seemingly fast growth is due to my absence for the most part of her life.

Yes, I bring her to school to and pick her up, fix her baon, teach her and attend her school presentations but I was only able to do those in the past two years when I got sick and made the conscious choice of prioritizing being a mother more than a provider to her. However, I feel that those two years are still not enough.

This emotional revelation became a turning point to be more intentional about building my relationship with my child.

Remember my banner verse this year is Psalm 90:12 and my goal really is to build quality relationships and memories. And because I have been praying for opportunities to grow my love, deepen my understanding and lengthen my patience with my child, the Lord opened my heart that this homeschooling arrangement may be just the avenue for that.

Next week, I will discuss in detail how God fully opened up my heart and why I will go for homeschooling in the coming academic year.

Until then, I pray that we will all know our priorities and purposes with clarity.

Bettinna Carlos or Mummy Bite [Bee-té] or Bites is a modern, single, Christian, working mom. Everything she does is for the Lord and her 5 year old gummy bear, Amanda [or Gummy]. She starts her day with prayer and devotionals which she shares on Instagram, with the hopes of bringing more people to Jesus.

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